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Shoot, kaygo. http://formspring.me/badlydrawnsky

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Ask me anything http://formspring.me/IshyInfection

Twenty ten can suck my balls.

Well here we are in twenty ten. And I'm going to be quite honest, it's been pretty misleading.


I can't keep seeing myself as the bad guy here. I know that most of this whole explosive nonsense is my fault, and I blame myself for my unerring tendency to hurt people who love me. Or say they do in the very least.

I find I've been playing too much guitar and looking out the window.

And thinking of you.

And just how much I fucked up, and put these barriers between us.

So you're so rock and roll, you made a huge song and dance about wanting to leave right when you had it good.

And you left me here to bleed, you have no idea. No-one else has come to pick up my pieces, I won't let them.

I'm inside a shell of my own making,

naked and cut.

Everyone else can see the pain I'm in but I still will not let them help.

I don't want to be a burden anymore.

And this whole fight I had with you, the other you.

How was I supposed to know?

We both know I'm obtuse.

And yet you have no idea how much you hurt me. Those awful words, caught spilling out your mouth in a razor cascade.

I wrap my heart in brown paper and twine, packaged neatly to put in my postbox. Send it far, far away, where nobody can ever find it and damage it again.

I'm so sick of these past few months. I think they've caught up with me.

Happy fucking New Year.

It's been too long...

I can't remember the last time we had a conversation that was longer than two or three sentences. And I can't help but think back to the days when we would spend hours talking to each other, words that meant nothing but the sweet rumble of them tipping out of your mouth.

Now you have closed your heart to me, and I rip out my fingernails clawing at the door, trying to get back in.

I don't understand.

What did I do to drive you away?

Now I have to pester you to even be acknowledged, and I hate that.

I'm going to need you so much over the next wee while.

But I can't see you being there.

There's a shadow where that friendly face used to be.

How much longer does this have to go on?

You say that things haven't changed, but we both know this is a lie.

This power greater than everything has driven a wedge between us, driving us away from each other...

Because you have the courage, the desire, the need, the WILL to go where I cannot.

I cannot just run into God's arms, crying and begging for forgiveness.

Because I'm always the one left to pick up the stitches you pull out.

Sometimes it's more than just fear. I can't understand what they're saying. I can no longer listen.

I can no longer listen to you.

Struck with a hard blade I lie here bleeding. I can't

feel my heart beating I have tears in my eyes swelling I can't

love you

any more

you don't give me what I need

you cry on my shoulder and you think I can care?

I look away, pleading "help me!" in my eyes: unable to speak.

You invade my space and choke me and I can no longer hold on to this

fragile feeling...

my clumsy hands have broken it.

Maybe it's best if we don't see each other.

Let's face it, this was never what I wanted.. I've never been worthy of your attention...

No.

This is YOUR FAULT.

I can't be with someone who sees something that doesn't exist when they look into my eyes.

I can't have that.

I can't believe you came to this place tonight.

how dare you.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU.

I thought it would be so easy to say.

A simple 'it's just not working' would have sufficed.

But for my damn sensitivity I would have done it.

I really need to get laid.