I can't keep seeing myself as the bad guy here. I know that most of this whole explosive nonsense is my fault, and I blame myself for my unerring tendency to hurt people who love me. Or say they do in the very least.
I find I've been playing too much guitar and looking out the window.
And thinking of you.
And just how much I fucked up, and put these barriers between us.
So you're so rock and roll, you made a huge song and dance about wanting to leave right when you had it good.
And you left me here to bleed, you have no idea. No-one else has come to pick up my pieces, I won't let them.
I'm inside a shell of my own making,
naked and cut.
Everyone else can see the pain I'm in but I still will not let them help.
I don't want to be a burden anymore.
And this whole fight I had with you, the other you.
How was I supposed to know?
We both know I'm obtuse.
And yet you have no idea how much you hurt me. Those awful words, caught spilling out your mouth in a razor cascade.
I wrap my heart in brown paper and twine, packaged neatly to put in my postbox. Send it far, far away, where nobody can ever find it and damage it again.
I'm so sick of these past few months. I think they've caught up with me.
Happy fucking New Year.
