What to do when you are dead?

I reckon a great way to pass the time would just be to reach a state of zen...


But then again we all know how hard that is.

I'm sitting here and my stomach is churning.

I can't hear my own thoughts from the screaming, it never lets up. I cannot escape from this.



I say it again : I am sorry.

You suffocate me. I hate you. But even saying that is a lie because I know I love you.

But I cannot live with this dog at my heels.

I can hear it ripping at the door. It's whispering in my ear, telling me to hurt me, hurt them, hurt you.


And I listened. The slashes

they're leaking red down into the waistband of my jeans and I thank God that they are black, so the blood doesn't show up properly when I put them through for the wash.


I know I cannot keep this up.

But there's something eating away at me and I can't fight anymore.



I guess it has to be said. I can't be with you anymore. This is just making me sad and angry and I have never felt so free as when I'm not talking to you.

It's gotten to the stage I feel sick at the prospect of seeing you again.

This fucking anathema has rerouted the paths in my brain...


But there I go, making it my fault. But I know is IS my fault.

I can't say I'm sorry. But I also cannot say I don't feel regret. Either way my answer is a lie.